|
chilindamost
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Ryan
Country: United States
State: Texas
Birthday: 8/24/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Friends, family, music....anything that involves any of those three things is wonderful and keeps me happy.
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/23/2004
|
|
| Hello Xanga world (haha, Im such a nerd)!! Sorry for the delay, I took a much needed trip to Kentucky to visit my other half (aka best friend) Jourdan and to clear my head of all the stress of trying to figure out my future plans. I had a fantastic time and had many wonderful pillow talk conversations that supplied me with PLENTY of ammo for good Xanga entries, hahaha (and the nerdyness continues).
One of our conversations involved the future and what we could take with us into it, and what we couldnt. What are some things that are necessary to leave behind you in order for you to make a proper transition into another life chapter? Some of the things we decided on, we figured out, may be seen by others as "thinking too much of yourself" or "being selfish"...which brings me to another question....how selfish is it to be selfish??
Selfish is usually defined as being too caught up in yourself and not caring enough about how others are affected and carries quite a negative connotatioin. But what about the kind of selfish that allows a person to go inside themselves so they can really figure out who they are and what they want? The kind of selfish that allows a person to get more in touch with who they are so that they can do away with the things would hold them back from getting to where they want to go?
So maybe every once in a while, when we really need to be, we can afford to be a little bit more selfish with ourselves. Because you really cant know whats best for those around you until you know whats best for yourself....so really, you cant be more of a people person without being a little selfish first...hah, funny huh? Well I hope life is treating you all well and that yall have a great weekend. Peace and Love to all!!
"We're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy" -Ryan | | |
| Im back! Wow, its been almost two months since I last updated...and now that I type the length of time, it really doesnt sound like all that long, but it feels like its been forever, haha. I hope all is well in the Xanga world and that everyone will forgive me for taking such a long Xanga break (haha, I feel so nerdy but I love it) but I ran outta ideas and I didnt want to be one of those who just wrote what was happening in my day. So...here I go again.
Well this summer has turned out to be, like the year before it, bittersweet. Lots of good things have happened (like me FINALLY getting all of the Sex and The City seasons on DVD, hahah) and a few not so good things have happened. One of the not so good things that has happened is that the production contract that I was offered at the end of the school year has fallen through. There were a few reasons that I wont go into detail about here, but the basic gist is that, after looking over the deal closer, it turned out not to be in my best interests.
I must admit that it through me for a bit of a loop at first...I wasnt quite sure that I knew what to do with the sudden change of plans. I didnt know if I could handle having to seem like a temporary failure to some and I didnt know if I could handle the idea of having to find another plan. But I remembered something my mom told me when I was going through a hard time deciding who to tell I was gay. She always told me to "give people a chance to show you how much they love you." And as weird and random as this may sound, I remembered that and reworded it...give life (or the universe, or god, or whatever you want to call it) a chance to show you the way.
So I decided to keep at it and find another plan and another way. And its so funny how, now that Ive decided on another path, all of a sudden all kinds of new opportunities are popping up that seem to be pointing me in that particular direction.
So since Im SUCH a nerd and was looking for a good topic to start my Xanga back with again (haha, I know..thats SO sad)...I thought my situation was worth sharing because maybe someone was going through the same sort of thing as me and needed to hear someone say that everything works out in the end and, if its not working out, then its not the end. And no matter how bad things may seem, just give them some time, and life will come around and help you out IF you give it a chance to. Life (and you) will ALWAYS find a way and anything is always possible.
I missed you all SO much and hope yall will take my lazy ass back, haha!!  Peace and Love to all!!
"You cant jump the track/ we're like cars on a cable/ and life's like a hourglass glued to the table/ no one can find the rewind button now/ so cradle your head in your hands and breathe/ just breathe"
-Ryan
| | |
| I wonder sometimes why I bother asking for the advice of others at all. Because I think, when it all comes down to it, Im going to do whatever the hell I wanna do even if everyone else is screaming that its a horrible idea. But the only way out is through, and the only way to fully learn a lesson you must first fully live it.
But then I wonder what in us makes us want something bad enough to go against the grain of the whole world to find out for ourselves if its right. What in us makes us take a situation that has traditionally become a mistake for everyone else and say, "I'll be different"? But then again...think about it...if you always stayed away from what everyone else told you was a bad mistake...where would you be today? So what makes the situation worth the risk?
Maybe I WILL be different this time....maybe I will create the 1% success rate story...maybe I will be the exception. Or maybe I will find myself making the same mistake that everyone else before me has. Either way, Im going to give it a shot. And, either way, at least I found out for myself.
"It is only to the individual that a soul is given" - Albert Einstein
-Ryan | | |
| One lesson that ive learned in life is that, no matter how hard you try, it is almost impossible to escape society's rumor mill. No matter where you go or what you do, there will always be at least SOMETHING floating around out there thats not exactly true about yourself. Apparently, a popular new addition to the rumor mill circulation is the idea that Im a straight man posing as a gay man to get women. Now those of you that know me well probably find that statement quite humorous seeing as I am quite obviously very attracted to the male sex. But for those of you who maybe dont know me that well might be thinking...hmm, well it WOULD be a good idea....
But heres a thought for both sides of the fence (no pun intended, hah!)....how about trying to let go of the innate desire to pin labels on everything?
For example...I was out at the gay club with my amazingly wise best girl friend, Caroline, watching the drag show. While at the show, we were introduced to a guy who was one of the drag queens boyfriends. Now, so we are all on the same page here...the drag queens have had the FULL operation in order to be women. So, for the majority of the night, we were debating over whether that made him technically straight or gay. But then Caroline brought up an excellent point....how about that he was just a person that was in love with another person?
The point is, folks, I think our world is slowly evolving to a point to where labels are no longer sufficient to fully describe a person. Because in a relationship, its not about the sex....its about the person. And if one person is in love with another person, regardless of who they are, what does it matter? I think that this world is in a place where if someone can be lucky enough to find love, then more power to them.
So people...the next time you start to bug yourself about what particular label a person deserves...try just taking a good look at a person and telling yourself that "it is what it is" and accepting the person just as they are.
Peace and Love to all.
"I dont believe in homosexuality, I dont believe in heterosexuality, I dont believe in bisexuality. I just believe in sexuality."
-Ryan | | |
| - Ordinary So today as I sat at home completely bored, I had lots of time to think about what my latest Xanga entry would be, haha. And I DO have a life most of the time but on those particular days when I dont, I do lend my brain to my next Xanga topic. And heres what I came up with.....
Why does it seem like sometimes that the people who get great things are the ones who deserve it the least?? Now, dont get me wrong...I DO believe that everyone deserves happiness in their own right. But I do OCCASIONALLY have my days where Im a bit selfish and superficial and wonder why, sometimes, the people that dont seem like they deserve anything....get the things that, those of us who DO work hard and ARE good people, want so very badly?
For instance...one the most intelligent, kind, wise, loving, and hard working people that I know (that happens to also be one of my best friends  )...is working SO hard to afford the college that she wants with all of her heart to go to. But when a scholarship oppurtunity was offered....the scholarship was given to one of the biggest pot heads and dead beats at our school. Actually, he probably put the scholarship paper into a paper shredder and later used it in a joint. But why didnt SHE, who dedicates herself everyday to her dream, get the scholarship?
OR how about when you find a completely amazing guy who seems perfect in every way....and later find out hes "in love" with one of the most immature, self centered, and un-intelligent people I know?? I mean, Im not saying im at all close to the perfect guy, but I KNOW Im a better match for the amazing guy.
Who knows why life chooses to deal its cards the way it does...but this just all makes me realize how happy it makes me when I see that the people who DO deserve the great things...get the great things. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Peace and Love to all.
"And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need where's mine
‘Cause your what I need so very but im anything but ordinary"
-Ryan
| | |
|
